Since then, I've used to say that I received ‘the call’ because of Kaique. When we hear about doulas, we usually think about happy ending stories, and doulas as the people who get to see lots of healthy newborns. However, according to the statistics one in five pregnancies ends in loss. I don’t really use the word ‘miss-carriage’, as we don’t need more added burden to our pain!

So, we can reflect on the fact that if lots of people go through losses, why aren’t we talking about it? Unfortunately, it’s still a stigma, our society rarely talks about grief and bereavement when a grown-up person passes away. Let alone talking openly about such a hard and complex loss.

Talking about grief and bereavement on a personal level, in a little longer than a decade I lost my dad, mum, Beatriz, my youngest brother and Kaique. Consider yourself lucky and spend some quality time with yours if you haven’t lost anyone very close to you! Even though it’s the only certainty in life, we’re never prepared. We don’t really know what to do, we don't really know what happens on the backstage. And then there’s the paperwork; responsibilities; and decisions to be made in such a vulnerable time!

If you have lost someone very close to you - my sincere sympathies! I guess one will never know what it really feels like until you have to deal with it. When it comes to early loss, as it’s still a taboo to talk about it, the pregnant woman (person) has to deal with: the loss of the baby; her emotional and psychological state; her physical body; her dreams and plans which have been shattered; and the pain which will never go away.

I guess losing a child is just like losing a part of you, which it’ll be raw and painful for months and years. Then it may become a scar. Do you know those scars which become painful again every now and then, or whenever the weather changes, or you accidentally hit it on a corner? It’ll always be there! There’s no prescriptive time to go over a loss, every loss is different, the same way that everyone is also different.

Meanwhile, mothers live the duality of wanting to talk about it and to keep the memory of their babies alive. Whereas other people of the family may want not to talk about it to avoid ‘bringing up sad feelings and memories. One of my fears is that my babies won’t be remembered when we make our own journey. Another day I was reflecting on when I lost my mum. I remember talking to my sister about losing part of our history and my ancestors as a result. Her own memory is gone, and there’s probably some stories from when she was growing up that we already don’t remember anymore.